u are reli turning me off with ur attitude now. im struggling to keep the balance.

and u, u are turning me off like hell too. i know im selfish. i shouldnt have made myself have that bad dream becos of u. i shouldnt have done it. he's mine.

and u, amaze me like always.

and u, im freakin jealous of u but nvm, i can do things that u cant.

and shit. im ACHING SO MUCH I CANT WALK PROPERLY. my shins are like permanantly cramping. ARGH TEO!!!!

IM FREAKIN PISSED.

water, then blood, then tea.

i think next will be hydrogen peroxide or cyclohexane or sth lidat.

freak.

im a lil shaken by some things..but i shall tok abt it generally.

ahhs. i dun understand:

1. why some ppl have time to actually process bohliao things and 'plot' against others? this has been a doubt i had for weeks. since rhumbia.
2. why do ppl think so complex? they just cant put themselves in other shoes and realise that stimes ppl do things outta reflex? chill men, im not toking abt u ;)
3. why do u all have to fuckin care abt who i choose to like or what i choose to support and believe in? i dun fuckin BELIEVE in what u believe so dun try to make me. it only makes me start to move from being neutral to being negative and freakin furious at your beliefs and 'principles' of life. i mean, sure, u do wat u want to, im not stoppin u or even COMMENTING; so dun u fuckin come and care abt wat i do anmd wat i feel.
4. why why why. did i make the wrong approach. was i overconfident. was i too fuckin unserious. i just cant capture the emotion anymore. im even too disappointed to face it again. dun try to guess pls, im trying to be GENERAL, if u havent noticed.
5. why do i sense (which probably is true) that im going into depression again? sorry gabu i cant help it.
6. WHY am i stressed over sth i cant even name. ok maybe i can name it. but this is the first time i aint toking abt it. that's serious. but im still not gonna tok abt it.

ok. i've temporarily fa xie-d my frustration. give me a hug, a pat, a smile. i think that's all u can do now. some things...解铃还须系铃人。

less than 20 hours....

wakau. im dam sad. how come lidat one. just as it was getting hot and fuzzy there just had to be this fucking cold fog coming down on me. and that fucking cold fog is here to stay. leaving me trying to replay the hot fuzzy feeling by myself while shivering in the blardy cold. oh god. unfairness. im the one who needs this hot and fuzzy feeling. u give me some, and leave me to rot in my depression, but gave the whole treatment to some ppl who just go "yeah, i experienced it," kinda nonchalent crap when i would have went "OMG YES IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE, EVER!"

**HI!!!!!!! I'm pauline's wonderful bestest senior like EVER!!!!! The next person who's gna say smthng here is the retard Jessica. Go ahead Jessica!!

**Hi! I"m NOT a retard! I'm the smartest person in the WORLD! smarter than clara, smarter than paul, smarter than EVERYONE! hahahhahahaha

LOL. ok that cheered me up abit. (x
im gonna persevere man. u're gna give it to me one day i tell u. and that day i'll savour it like nobody ever did. one day, man. u gotta admit.

friday the seventh.

the most tiring sports fest yet.

morning, woke up at 7.30. stayed in bed for half hr. then i went down to get ready and check comp. set off at 8.30. reached orchard at 8.59 according to eileen's watch, meaning i was right on the dot if not early, but they were there like 20 mins b4 me.

then we set off from there, only to realise to our horror that no shops were open. we sat in macs for some time, where i ate my breakfast. then we took a horribly long walk from taka to heeren to cine, where we stoned for 20 mins b4 deciding to go heeren, which by then opened.

first we went into hmv. i found the beloved soundtrack and bought it. right choice. then we took our purikura (neos) haha. cool neo machine man. i love the climbing structure. then there was no limit for the deco since we were we only ones using the machine (practically the only ones in the shop anyway).

then we went back to taka. there, chihiro and satomi suggested we buy friendship souvs. so we bought me to you keychains which made me broke, like absolutely broke. real cool. so now i have the same keychain as satomi, and can pair up with chihiro and eileen's keychain. super. then we bought our lunch at macs(again) which had me left with 50c in my wallet.

we took mrt to toapayoh, and ate lunch at the stadium. i actly didnt accompany chihiro a lot there. sorry but i really needed to be with my jess, hua, jia, lin, lena, qi, and even jas. anyway, i tried to jiang gong shu zui by bringing milo and buying 100plus for them..they bought icecream for us! so nice. eileen's hopeless with icecream. and super paul again ate at twice the normal speed of homo sapiens.

i ran for hse relay. WE GOT FIRST OH YEAH! (x

cheerleading was the climax. finally i get to see them. i totally love buckle's sweater! argh.

then came the unexpected twist. i was up in the stands when the results were announced. i could clearly see lin and lena's mouth forming again and again the word "what?" i saw the short moment of pause. then they broke down. i was like shit shit shit, i need to get down there. so i once again left them to run down the stairs...onto the field. lucky i wasnt really noticed.then everything was very weird and heartbreaking after tt...

sent them off aft dismissal...shook hands, gave her presents, byebye... then i zombied my way back in. i prodded at lena and gave her her cam. then i poked her again but she wasnt responding anymore. i went to hug lin, but there was no response. 'vased' around...like an ornament..didnt go to the cads anymore cos i was nauseous of the lack of response. distracted myself...twirled ppl around..blah blah. then we were asked to go. so we went. blah blah blah.

then me jia jas hua went to macs for dinner. MACS. MACS. goodness. they should give me a loyalty badge or sth.. cam spoiled. went home. drifted in car. watch tv. bathe. more tv. sountrack. tv.

then jia scared me. > < CHEER UP OK U GUYS. dun frown cos they are not worth it.

my brain is jizzled.

i need a long long long sleep.

haii. im not sure whether it was a gd dream or not..

first, somehow, clara and melody took a rollercoaster of sorts with me.
then, someow, melody gave me HANDOUTS abt herself.
and then, SOMEHOW, jessica skateboarded and fell. then she and jean got injured.

nope its nt a preomnition. my dreams never come true. ;)

-.- yes i know how dumb the dream was. i was feeling real weird when i woke up. and feeling as if i never even slept.

crap la.