i can't fly anymore

netcarn today!!! funfunfun! we got 4th overall! 1st for banner! 1st for cheering! but im super tired now. my stiff neck is better but im still aching all over...

i can't shed my blubber

damn sleepy. and stressed over nth. crap im not even in the mood to blog these days. forgive me.

got back results for bio, physics, math and ss. wasnt as bad as yesterday, so there wasnt any reason to control my nonsensical crying.

haii. mum leaving for US tmr. 4 months! siao. how to survive sia.

多一张。
不能属于你们的世界，已是很痛苦了。
提醒自己,其实没有人是属于那个世界的，但却越哭越糟糕。
进退两难真难受啊。
只有希望自己能比任何人更靠近那个世界。

开心、难过；真实、虚构，都让我无法抗拒，却又痛苦不堪。

我知道是我错了。但我也知道我似乎永远都只会说对不起。
可是，我是真得很抱歉。我没必要找什么借口；错了就是错了。
请原谅我无法兼顾学业与我的 identity crisis。我的心，是真的乱了。没心向学，是我不对。
我是喜欢读书的、是喜欢胜利的感觉的。我也很难受、很内疚。
但已经错过了机会，我也不想为它哭。

onma, aba, hontou ni bianne. bianne...

i just can't pull myself out of fantasy and back to reality.

went to send sis off at airport today. had breakfast there; i found the food i've been looking for for 3 years! i've not eaten it since the aunties at stall 7 of the gyps canteen moved away ): ROTI JALA! woots. the stall owner asked me how many pieces i wanted and sold me 2; when my dad went to get more, she told him minimum 3 pieces! haha funny (:

then we went to vivo city! walau eh, reli people mountain people sea. SIAO man. its like even the corridor places on the 2nd floor were so crowded it looked like the people were queuing for sth. the foodcourt food alot of ppl queu but also not very nice.. siao! but the balcony place thing with the 6-inch (hahahhaha) deep dippool was very nice! the view of sentosa very nice! a good place to have a gathering ^^ veiw of sentosa very nice also! i think the only goodthing abt a haze is that everything looks very romantic. okay, maybe mysterious would be a better word.

walked to WTC bldg, dad bought a pair of shoes! the sales guy SUPER SHUAI omgggg i looked at him and i was like WOW HE HAS THAT "DUNCAN" FEELING. he has a stubble; gosh now i know there are stubbled guys who look good cos i've been thinking that stubbles make them look super gross. now, his double eyelids and PERFECT TEETH are what made me feel that "duncan" feel. please i couldnt find a single flaw (except his stained shoes lol the irony). hur i unabashedly stole glances at him; WAHLAU he was totally the younger version of duncan RAHHH. hahaha he looks like he's at least in his mid to late twenties though. AWWWW~ ^^ he looks the kind of guy who's supersupersuper 细心 to ppl and will quietly give support to others. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

oh ya, we went to poh kim too! got my 2 sets of 洗冤录 and jaychou cd! yeeps!! ^^ i tink 微笑pasta super funny! i shall get it when the price drops woots. oh i want x-men last stand too!

wahlau eh cant believe we walked for FIVE AND A HALF HOURS. SIAO. in that human-infested-but-not-really-amazing-place. i did like the gap and adidas stores though xD oh and i fell down in front of everybody outside swarovski ROFL.

ahhh. nice day, nice day. i think i'll have difficulty falling asleep later...

alright, off to GOOOOOONG!!! (: (oce, i agree! 律君 is <3! i think it's his sadsadsad look)

why is it that your eyes look the prettiest just as you are about to take off your contacts and go to sleep? grr.

1. English shit hard man. dang.
2. Chinese; Geography omytian;one so easy one so hard.
3. Chemistry o. my. tian. *h`e.lp,+
4. Biology; Social Studies bio eeeyer no fun!
5. Maths; Physics maths!!! ><>

you dunt remember; i do.

almost every single time.

up and down you pull

up and down i follow.

dash my hopes everytime you bring them up.

i know, i know.

you are unaware of your own influence on me.

cant believe i fell for it time and again.

fantasy, reality.

they rarely intersect in my life.

i shouldnt be thinking of all these in the final rush of mugging. (ok fine, nth stopped me from blogging anyway lol.)

but you got me thinking again.

i thought i was doing fine, keeping some distance from you so that i could focus on mugging first.

wellwellwell. i just couldnt cant help myself.

read a certain part of an article in the latest i-weekly, and the first person i thought of was you. i chuckled as i mused about how it would go if i really did it. immediately the thought was turned down; it's too freaking scary. plus, i wouldnt risk it and lose you.

and yesterday, when i found out abt that thing, i was so freaked out at first. siao i'll just die lor. but then after that i started feeling excited. win liao lor!

anyway, you know how you mentally assign a person in your life to almost every song you like? yesh, it's pretty weird to think of you everytime i hear My Immortal by evanescence. it's weird cos 4/5 of the song doesnt fit you. it's just that few lines...

am sorely tempted to write down an obvious hint so that you'd know im talking abt you. but no, i do not wish to make a dumb mistake just because of my own yi xiang qing yuan kind of misunderstanding.

okok, i guess i better veer back to mugging. lol im still at acids bases salts (: am i pro or am i pro.

Scarborough Fair

this was just another nice soothing song in my cds; searched for the lyrics and realised the coolness of it. see the article here.

Greenfields

Once there were green fields, kissed by the sun.
Once there were valleys, where rivers used to run.
Once there were blue skies, with white clouds high above.
Once they were part of an everlasting love.
We were the lovers who strolled through green fields.

Green fields are gone now, parched by the sun.
Gone from the valleys, where rivers used to run.
Gone with the cold wind, that swept into my heart.
Gone with the lovers, who let their dreams depart.
Where are the green fields, that we used to roam ?

I'll never know what made you run away.
How can I keep searching when dark clouds hide the day.

I only know there's, nothing here for me.
Nothing in this wide world, left for me to see.

Still I'll keep on waiting, until you return.
I'll keep on waiting, until the day you learn.
You can't be happy, while your heart's on the roam,
You can't be happy until you bring it home.

Home to the green fields, and me once again.

after seeing a couple of blog addresses that consists of the blogger's initials (one of them is joyce's) and realising the sheer durability of that address, xD i went to reserve the address first (:

anyway, im super tired but here is what happened today, in small nutshells:

1. mr lim on mc!! > <>as an effect of 1, aldrin tee took our class for bio today. funny ah?
2. got back geog test; no careless mistakes (:
3. free block during rs (or so i think). got nice ringtones from jas ^^ tankew jas! paul loves you jas!
4. (and jess!)
5. can't understand why im so tired when i slept at 9o'clock sharp last night. dang it.

now, off to shower and maybe a nap.

cant find the photo..but anw,
HOTHOTHOT!!! ok, i admit, the lipstick made him look super gay, BUT I LIKE!

ooolala~ eye-candy! <3>

ok thats super a-gua ahaha

hahaha so childish! i like! (x

anyway, all these photos arent really good in showing his true colours (: hee~ i just realised that huge was in the same guzhuang show too ^^ yeeps~

Some conversations Jessica is likely to have with me:

jess: Swimming good for your figure!
me: Really, then explain whales to me.


jess: You should get in shape!
me: Whaddaya mean?! 'Round' is a shape!

hahahaha so funny! found it in some random blog too (:
hee no offence jess (;

forests burning, air polluting, soaps thrown away.

IM ****ING PISSED NOW

i hate it when people throw useable things away.

i know, it's dumb getting pissed over a small piece of soap.

but hey, they are your family, and they don't share your environmental views with you, fine. not even OBSERVANT enough to REALISE that I HAVE BEEN USING THAT SOAP AND IT HAS NOT BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE SB USED IT NO I USE IT ALMOST EVERYDAY YOU DON'T NOTICE IT GETS SMALLER.

i was am so pissed, im tearing now.

tian. i HATE it when pple WASTE things, even when they don't mean it. i know im very immature; but whatever.

since when small pieces of soap mean that it's DIRTY!? since when SOAPS ARE CALLED DIRTY!? hell, this is crazy.

im crying over a piece of soap.

ya, YOU THINK IT'S DUMB. there are so many dumb things abt me, so i dunt bother explaining.

it was lying there amidst hairs and dirty disposable underwear, the soapdish occupied by that fat lump of NEW SOAP. i used that soap for almost a year, y'know. i wanted to finish it... YOU, didnt even NOTICE that i've been using it. WTF!?

i wanted to finish it; i have never finished a whole bar of soap before.

plus, it's the principle. it's SOAP, goodness. SINCE WHEN SOAP IS DIRTY.

omytian... WOMEN.

this makes me glad that my parents aren't like that; love you, mummy & father.

3 km in 25 mins!

i know the timing sucks; but i feel accomplished because i could force myself to go on.

tian, the clenched feeling in the chest and your ragged breath; it feels horrible.

but well, we all have to do it, and im not letting myself get a D again.

Castle on a Cloud - Les Miserables

There is a castle on a cloud
I like to go there in my sleep
Aren't any floors for me to sweep
Not in my castle on a cloud.

There is a room that's full of toys
There are a hundred boys and girls
Nobody shouts or talks too loud
Not in my castle on a cloud.

There is a lady all in white
Holds me and sings a lullaby
She's nice to see, and she's soft to touch
She says: 'Cosette I love you very much.'

I know a place where no one's lost
I know a place where no one cries
Crying at all is not allowed
Not in my castle on a cloud.

Big Thanks To SHER!!! from her link to the les miserables song 'castle on a cloud' i finally saw the thing i didnt do for like....4 months.

DOWNLOAD THE SONGS, im so stupid.

heehee. maybe i'll load some here (:

PS: sher and jess and oce, do yall want? ;)

i guess i do not hate rg so much now.

being here, it has given me so many chances, so many friends, so many things to love and cry about.

i have started mouthing the school song! how's that!

thankful i am, i still would want to return to the start of everything; i want to savour each laugh, each teardrop.

i want to feel the cold wind whipping into my face, whether is it the Shanghai wind, the Boston wind, the Korea wind or the Wales wind.

i want to see the delightful animals, whether is it the big whales, the dogwhelks, the periwinkles, the horses, the dogs.

i want to lie on the pretty ground, whether is it the wonderful grass at Orielton, or the artificial snow atop some hill in Korea.

i want to hang upside down in a roller coaster, whether at Escape, at Genting, or at Six Flags.

i want to lie down and enjoy the fireworks at Disneyworld.

i want to walk every inch of pavement again, even though i hate shopping.

i want to play cards and mahjong again, whether in a hotel room at Sentosa or KL, or in a boys' room in Tokyo, or in some girl's bed all night, or in a tour bus to somewhere new.

i want to lay my head on sb's shoulder, or knee, and cry my heart out, even if there's no point in crying anymore.

i want to look down that particular window and see the Tokyo pavement 19 storeys below, the wind tousling my hair.

i want to go back.


i thought i gave up, i thought i grew up.

but i didnt.

i'd give up all my maturity to go back being silly.

loving like silly, crying like silly, laughing like a lunatic.

i can't let go; i won't.

Chinese version of Love, Me:
会有那么一天

English version of 会有那么一天:
Love, Me

yay~ if only such love existed!

but then again, i think it does! xD

<3

i forgot to mention how CLEVER i was to wear ankle socks to run.

now i got this stupid blister.

dunt you think im very intelligent?

aha. i did run yesterday.

cos i was pretty pissed and i felt compelled to go run since i promised myself that i would run.

so i did. and this time, im not so stupid go and run 2km in one direction. i ran 1.4 then i turned around and ran back. and it worked! i finished 2.8 without stopping at all, and i estimated i took about 20+ minutes.

now im aching at the thighs and for some reason there's a slight pain in the stitch area, but i feel good.