i guess i do not hate rg so much now.

being here, it has given me so many chances, so many friends, so many things to love and cry about.

i have started mouthing the school song! how's that!

thankful i am, i still would want to return to the start of everything; i want to savour each laugh, each teardrop.

i want to feel the cold wind whipping into my face, whether is it the Shanghai wind, the Boston wind, the Korea wind or the Wales wind.

i want to see the delightful animals, whether is it the big whales, the dogwhelks, the periwinkles, the horses, the dogs.

i want to lie on the pretty ground, whether is it the wonderful grass at Orielton, or the artificial snow atop some hill in Korea.

i want to hang upside down in a roller coaster, whether at Escape, at Genting, or at Six Flags.

i want to lie down and enjoy the fireworks at Disneyworld.

i want to walk every inch of pavement again, even though i hate shopping.

i want to play cards and mahjong again, whether in a hotel room at Sentosa or KL, or in a boys' room in Tokyo, or in some girl's bed all night, or in a tour bus to somewhere new.

i want to lay my head on sb's shoulder, or knee, and cry my heart out, even if there's no point in crying anymore.

i want to look down that particular window and see the Tokyo pavement 19 storeys below, the wind tousling my hair.

i want to go back.


i thought i gave up, i thought i grew up.

but i didnt.

i'd give up all my maturity to go back being silly.

loving like silly, crying like silly, laughing like a lunatic.

i can't let go; i won't.