it's a very sian day. as in sian like wahkau-im-so-shitted-sian, rather than the im-bored-to-tears-give-me-more-work-to-do-sian.

but ok la, there were some fun parts in the day too, like ms lau shiting teaching me how to mentally multiply! woots she's so pro can! i'm gonna make her tutor me everyday until im as pro, if not pro-er, than her :D helping teo was quite fun too! it made me feel needed (yesh jess, i really felt that way ok) and anyway i wasn't in the jumping state of mind/body.

oh ya, jess finally got her sanzha. the uncle was so NICE! he actually came all the way to the gym just to ask her if she wants to buy the sanzha that just came. SO NICE! heh i koped one packet from her so THANKS JESS! i know how much ONE packet of sanzha means to you xD

but the rest of the day, namely the times in btwn the above mentioned, was quite..y'know.. SIAN.

i was fretting abt the huge pile of work in my file..

and things like c****** & i**** and the hopelessness of it all.

steph looked super sad today too. wasnt really lying when i told her that i was sad cos she's sad. somehow it's not right to see steph NOT smiling & grinning away.
i didnt dare go do anything much to her too cos i scared i make it worse or sth.

to all who are sad abt it, CHEER UP OKAY! i mean, i know it doesnt really help, but we all got to move on one day. she wouldnt want you to be so sad for her, would she? 节哀顺便, kae!

it's weird when you look at friendster profiles of pple that you once thought of everyday.

it's weird to stare at that familiar, yet different face, and suddenly recall the heart jolt everytime you spied him in school.

ah yes. he was in the classroom above us.

i would look for him every morning at the gate, and at flag raising (oh yes, that time it was 'flag-raising', not 'morning assembly'). then again during recesses, lunches. stand outside my class and peer up the staircase for my daily dose of him walking down.

remember the things he did to you? not really, but that page he wrote in is still in my autograph book; the book i stared at countless times, wondering how on earth did i get him to write it. the times our eyes met, and how you just seemed to know.



but then again, when was the last time i saw him? 4 years ago i think.

and since when was i able to mention him to my pri sch friends so nonchalently, joking like he was just another person who wasn't really any special?

i mean, wow, i can even blog about him now.

and the heartjolts i used to get? i don't get them anymore. not exactly the same kind, at least. no complains abt that, but then you kind of miss the "omg-he-just-looked-at-me" kinda feel, no?


it's like a life i left behind and never got to relive.

the times we monkeybar-ed until our hands had blisters?

the times we hung upside down on the pull up bars, not caring that our skirts came up cos we were wearing shorts inside anyway?

and the many, many times i had sat outside the principal's office, smiling in embarrassment as the whole school walked by?

the time our teacher (i forgot who) put the 4 of us (i cant rmb who too, except it probably included me and grace) at the 4 corners of the classrooms so as to stop us from chattering, only to have us having long-distance conversations by yelling?

oh, and the time we got kicked out from calligraphy class cos we were too naughty?

and the annual event of my pri sch life: my teacher meeting my parent to complain abt me.

regular visits to the vice principal mrs chan, to apologise time and again but never really changing my ways?

it's weird to see one picture of a guy, and suddenly recall all the funny things >4 years ago.


mr larry DOENS'T get it that there's no point talking abt time without change. even though there is such thing, there's no point arguing abt it with the real time cos they're 2 diff issues.

in the real world, time = change, and time waits for nobody.

YES OMG THE CONCERT DVD IS OUT OMGOMGOMG.

but hor, dvd leh. expensive right.

maybe got vcd? :D

i cannot believe my dad is below 60kg.

and mind you, his weight is still dropping.

kind of worrying.

WONG WANCHEE YOU ARE MISSED TOO!

i hate being the captain. i hate being senior.

i hate screwing up my backsomers cos there's no senior to follow, no senior to nag and scold me.

i hate planning things. i hate being in charge. i hate being free labour. i hate setting examples.

i hate missing stuff for dumb rehearsals.

i hate the feeling of having to lean on the dead, hard and cold tramp instead of on the warm and retaliat-able you.


i miss having no work to do except jump, condition and be the gym clown + senior irritator.
i miss sec 2 year. it was the best year i had.

everything is becoming so robotic and plain shitty.

i miss you so much for this 1 year plus that i don't know how it feels to miss you already.

and there's nothing to boost me on, cos so what happens after i go jc?

you're not going to be there.

everything will just stay the same for 2 years.

then i lose everything again.


okay, i know i shouldn't be so emo. i just need to rant a lil ):

anyway, the main thing is:

I MISS YOU WANCHEE )':

有没有爱过一个遥不可及的人？

有时会把她忽略， 回家看到她的照片也无动于衷，虽然我无时无刻都在活出‘她’的感受。

无数次重新注意她时，心都是满满的爱，和满满的痛。

我相信，我和她，心理上是非常相似的。如今我也渐渐使我们的距离更近。


但，‘更近’不代表‘够近’。


有过那种感觉吗？

越靠近，就越痛。不靠近，却会有种空虚的感觉。

为她高兴，却又希望她是我的专属天使。


对她的一切，只能从“だそうだ” 知道。

感受过那种痛吗？

just chionged finish commonwealth essay. wahlao it sux. 1200 words!!

ok, anyway, i watched tanks's 专属天使 mv WAH MY HEART NEARLY BURST FROM BEATING SO FAST CAN OMG WU ZUN SO SHUAI ELLA SO CUTE I WANNA DIE OMG 6 MORE DAYS AND I'LL SEE THEM BOTH OMGOMGOMG ONCE AGAIN I WISH THEY WERE REAL BUT EVEN IF NOT NVM COS OMGOMGOMG THEY'RE SO DAMN CUTE OMFREAK AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

omygosh we're gonna have class dc tmr im so shitted my whole wkend friday is ruined wah i wanna punch sb usually i would punch the prefect but it's zhen er so no hahaha.

i nearly killed myself today at training. i landed facedown flat and flipped forward, rolling over the side of my face and crushing some fingers. ok, actually it wasnt so serious. i was more in shock than in pain. well, well.

i miss my mum!! T.T was listening to 听妈妈的话 on the bus home and i was overwhelmed for a couple of seconds.

ahh im so sleepy. i shall go sleep early later. maybe half an hour later.

1. sth very unexpected thing happened right after sch, it made me shriek, but i shall not write it out cos it'll make sb sad, i think. but nvm, it's ok now (:



2. jap is starting to scare me. i have these urges to break down and cry in the middle of a jap class.



3. i miss my mum a lot )': i shall superglue her to me when she comes back, so that she can't go back again )x



4. i'm in that kinda emo-ness where u feel super shitty abt a friend's troubles; mostly because i can't find anything to say to cheer her up, and i'm not even in a position to comfort her properly. shucks i almost cried can! i gotta be a better friend, somehow.

it's a happy day again!!

got real nice presents (: and jas + hua + cherie got me my 恶作剧之吻!! OMG that was really unexpected. i nearly yelled the ceiling down. (amanda provided the topshop plastic bag x)

math test (:

oh and i finally got one of those cool class presents! i never get last year lehh xD

orh and i must give special mention to rachel :D she wished me happy birthday thru almost all forms of communication. i'm very touched ^ ^ THANKYOU!


but HOR, my jap class sensei very not nice ): she talk so fast and don't like to stop and explain. i want endo!!!

and... it's sad when some people just forget?

it doesnt make sense that in just a span of one year, some ppl don't seem to have anything much to do with you alr?

whatever la, whatever.

i don't care cos i'm immune to it alr.

it's a happy birthday!

jess called me 15 mins past midnight and talked for 16 mins!

i spent 1+ hours in bed reading the carnivorous carnival!

my mum called!

i made my books neater!

i am listening to s.h.e's concert, getting high abt 13 days earlier!

i'm clearing my files and packing the wss!

best thing is, i'm chucking aside my homework and math to do secondary stuff!

happy birthday!

yay! i finally got the tix from shin's friend! shin's holding the ticket for me (:

AND i dunt feel so guilty no more cos my sis said my bdae present to her was the best gift she had ever received and she was so touched she nearly cried.

anyway, today i felt like shit in class. no more diarrhea but the classrm was so cold i wore both sweaters + curl up my legs. still, i was bloody cold and i think i was undergoing a positive feeback in my thermoregulation.

i was hoping that you would come and ask me if i was ok.

i knew it was a bad decision the moment it was made.

tell me, who has benefitted from it?

you're hurting everyone.

it may not be very far to you, but it's way off for us.

you've hurt her, took away her opportunity from her, hurt her twice, troubled & most probably hurt him, and you hurt me.

i've cried too many times in the aftermath of your stupid decision.

it hurts me so because i know there's nothing i can do. nothing to help, nothing to ease anyone's hurt.

hurts me because i have to aim not to become like you, yet after i voice it out i make the hurt deeper.

what's so great abt that shithole.

$? i'll prove it to you that i can do just as well here.

what the hell can be more important than them?

oh dear.

i'm feeling very guilty again. why have i been feeling so guilty these days?

i asked for twice the money my sis had planned to give me...and she agreed.

even though she's short of money herself and is actually living on my future-bro-in-law now. and she didnt even ask him for that money.

i must get a good present for her. maybe i'll starve to save money.

but it'll be too late! cos her bdae's this sunday!

there's a heavy burden pulling down my heart.

alrite. there won't be a supply of S.H.E goodies this year liao. i must save up.

but first i must list my priorities and give up on some desires.

i think i'll not buy the concert dvd, nor ISWAK box 2.

PAUL'S BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS & SO HERE IS HER WISHLIST, OKAYLIST & NO-NOLIST:

WISHLIST
[In desirological order]

1. $$$, for the purpose of obtaining the below
2. 恶作剧之吻 Box 2
3. 花样少年少女
4. S.H.E 27 Jan 移动城堡演唱会 tix
5. 花样少年少女原声带
6. S.H.E 移动城堡演唱会 DVD
7. that adidas jacket
8. dogtag

OKAYLIST

1. hugs
2. cards
3. food/drink
4. lunch treat
5. movie treat
6. kbox treat

NO-NOLIST

1. soft toys
2. ornaments
3. keychains
4. mugs
5. notebooks (save the trees!)
6. basically useless stuff
7. friends to do silly things (like brave rain) for me*

*bolded for Missus Jessica & Shermine.

NOTE: This list will be constantly updated. However, one does not have high hopes of the wishlist being striked off very soon.

Dear Friends, please DO NOT spend over S$4.44 on my gift or i assure you that even BIRTHDAY will become...

YADHTRIB.

ok. wait. i may be wrong cos i cant reli know whether there are any rgs / other students in the 2.30 classes.

so my email will be unsupported and viewed as biased attempt to get the class i want.

alrite, alrite, u win.

i will WAIT till i get my facts rite.

this is so irritating!

while im in the same class with aline, jeaness, & lena, THE TIMES ARE NOT GOOD.

i've got gym on tues!

so shit can.

then hor, they gave all the 2.30pm classes to nanyang girls. SO WEIRD CAN. they are always late (cos their school ends late), but still they're given the early time!? WHY!?

it's either i join them (unlikely cos i cant choose what i want) or i get 4.30pm class.

do you see the lack of thought?

not that nanyang shudnt get the early classes, but maybe one or two classes for other schools la! the organiser is so diao lor. if we mx, then those who can go early go early, those who cannot then go late; it benefits everyone, rite?

but NO! for some reason, they just wanna assign classes in school-ogical order!

aha. i shall email them abt it.

I'M BACK, EVERYONE.