Saturday, May 05, 2007
moodswings are scary. hahaha.i get upset over dumb stuff, then i remind myself of happy times and get all smiley again, and then sth else comes along to remind me of what i've not thought about for a couple of months because i've been too happy, then i force my self to think of the happy times plus the happy things coming soon, then i recover again.
my playlist has gone from happy songs to sad songs to the current mix of happy and sad songs.
i seriously find it funny.
now, with a runny nose, my mind is exploring all the sad things again. rahh annoying.
ok, i shall give myself to it and rant:
if you were here, maybe i could have done sth more for my ss peetee, and i most probably would be more hardworking than i am now. actually, i can always force myself to be hardworking. i know, i'm not putting in all my effort and this is the worse thing i can do, because i'll regret later. maybe it's a part of my subconscious making me not work my hardest. i'm really not an independant girl. maybe if it was you, my disappointment 2 weeks ago wouldnt stay. maybe if you were here, my recent jap accomplishment would make me even prouder of myself. it's not that the situation now is bad. but then again, it would be different, i think.
but then, you pinned your hopes on me. i know you don't want this either.
so, i shall try my best now.
i mean, even if i couldnt see your proud smile when i told you of my chi improvement, i could at least hear it.
that makes you happy, right?
so i should stop wallowing in self-pity, and motivate myself with you and my happy thoughts (:
wo yi ding ke yi de.
12:55 PM
YYYYY