the holidays are really eating into me.




been busy with the baby, and finishing my 寻秦记, and outings, blahblah.



but i am dreading many things.


i'm dreading june 12.

i'm dreading the end of the year.



esp the end of the year.


at the end of the year, i'll be leaving a place where sb left me behind, for a place where the same person has left me with.

and i'll be leaving other ppl behind.


at the end of the year, i'll be weeping, i'll be angry, i'll be in anguish, for leaving this place just as i've found the happiness it gives me.

i'll be blaming myself for doing the thing that i had, a couple of years ago, hated.




if anything, i'll be leaving my happiness behind.


perhaps i'll find other kinds of happiness, but this, i won't be able to bring along with me.









其实，我一早就知道。只是你给我的快乐，让我开心得无法记得。


SEE LA. too much free time makes me husiluanxiang.


i should just enjoy the happiness while it's within my reach.

c'mon paul, just do it. there's nothing i can't do when i have that strength in me.



i just need to rant a bit, for now.


my heart hasn't been shaken for 3 days. that's already much longer than the usual weekend.
I MUST DO WORK, MUG, STUDY.

and set a higher target next term.

academically, emotionally. (:


because you say i can.