i read my diary last night.


i amaze myself at my childishness.

well, not that i'm not still doing that kind of dumbass things.



it's weird.


it's been 5 years.


can you imagine?

5 years.

more than 1500 days.



i can't even rmb the last time i saw you.



but when i look back at those silly rants in my diary, and when i looked at your pictures on your friendster a/c, i was pretty surprised to find myself thinking that,


wow, you're still looking so great. i don't regret the foolish things i've done because of you. i mean, if you were still around, i think i would have continued going nuts over you.


it's a weird feeling, because... it's just over, y'know.

it's the kind of relationship that can never be rewinded and restarted.

and it kind of pisses me.


i was so unsure.

when i look back at it, PURLEEZ.

there's no doubt abt it can.



well. not that i would have done anything different.

you, obviously, didnt do anything abt it either.


it's a shame.



i can vaguely feel the feeling i used to have when i saw your smile.



IT'S SO DAMN WEIRD.

i think your smile is the only smile i really loved in the past. i dunno, maybe i still love it now.

i mean, i'm in love with another smile now...i just didn't expect to feel this way when i look at a 5-year-old-smile.


not that i'm emo or anything now.

it's just a great shame, a shame that it has just faded off into this: nothing.


i think...


if i were to meet you again, i would still be nervous,

excited,

captivated.


now that's a scary thought.


i thought i was over it?

how funny, paul.






ok, fine. i miss you. i miss the times we had tgt.


and you know what? i think my hair is much nicer to pat now.