i must confess.


i have a split personality.


it appears sometimes when i'm asleep; and the dreams i get are so lovely.
sometimes, i would venture into this split personality when im awake and trying to sleep/spend time.



i had such a dream this morning, just before i awoke. when i woke up, there was this warm fuzzy feeling of feeling complete and loved, which in about 2 seconds slowly got erased over by the sense of reality.

i tried to recall the dream; i still can, and the beautiful feeling i get.

but it's a detached feeling.

it's like Dr Jekyll trying to grasp the beauty and exhiliration he gets when he's Hyde, but then he can't really do so cos he's not exactly Hyde, and Hyde is not exactly him.


Dr Jekyll gets taken over by the desire to be Hyde at the end of the story, and he disappears completely.

in my case, this is not possible.


because.

even though like how Hyde has been created by Jekyll by external tools, my split personality and his lover are fictional characters.


now, if there was no lover in question, of course one day i may possible turn into this fictional character.

but, without the lover, my split personality is not complete. i am unable to find sb like that in reality as well, obviously because he's fictional.


so, i have to make do with my split personality being temporary.

perhaps, with time, my split personality may fade away. and i may not get those beautiful dreams again.


but then, maybe i'll go crazy and succumb to my split personality, combing the crazy world for my fictional and non-existent lover, and then dying in regret cos i'll never find him.



that's not going to happen, i think.


anyway, i wanted to post this on my new blog instead, but since this blog was created by my split personality, i guess it's more appropriate here.



for ppl who read thru this post, HAHA don;t take it too seriously.
i'm stressed and just fabricating stories to amuse myself. HAHAHHA, y'know?